I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
