Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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