is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
