Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
