Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
