i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
