apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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