Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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