he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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