one two three fourrrrnication!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
