Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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