i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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