i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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