We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
