I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she pinky promised me she was 18
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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