You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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