If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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