Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
