for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
