Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
