so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
