I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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