don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
