im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
