So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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