I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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