I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
