Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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