oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wow bdsm is so cute
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
