He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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