3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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