Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
