I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
