I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
