it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
