is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
