Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
