I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
