you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
