dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
