Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
