nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
