Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
True college students do jello shots in the library
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
