I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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