Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
