I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
