Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
