bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
