guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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