I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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