ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
